Nothing Personal

My days are getting better. I feel like being lifted from the ground. I wake up every morning realizing that things change, they always do. And most importantly, I always thank God for waking me up. For the last few weeks, I've been spending more time alone, sometimes after school. I needed this. I never thought that being alone would create me into a nostalgic person... sitting alone in a coffeehouse, drinking frappuccino or hot chocolate, having a good book to read or bringing a journal to look back to all the memories that once made me happy. This moment of silence gave me more time to think and have realizations about life. I need more time to figure out who I really am and I don't understand this direction I'm going through. This is when everything starts to flash back —  the good times and the bad.

It's just my patience that keeps me alive, just like all those pretty lights. <3 

so here's a song i'd love to listen on repeat tonight... check it out :)

                       

Laid-back Friday

Exams are finally done. 2 quarters left and school year's over. Everything happened so quickly, and things had radically changed since the school year started. I've experienced and still experiencing the ups and downs of life. Do you know the feeling when you're happy then later on, that happiness will be taken away from you? That just suck, right? I'm trying to be patient. Here's a quick tip, "control over your feelings". I know for me, who tries to see the positive things in life & who tries to be tough, that's the dangerous thing because pain will be the last thing you need. Maybe it's not always about the good stuffs in life. I don't understand why it's only kicking in now.

Soundtrack for the night, Night time by The XX.

This song is very laid-back, relaxing & sleepy feel.

So yeah.. I know I'll be able to get through this. Still hoping.

DEAR NO ONE

The song from Tori Kelly's "DEAR NO ONE" would perfectly describe what I have been feeling & thinking for the past weeks.  During my free times or idle moments, I kept playing this on my mobile phone.  I am well aware of my singleness and my well concealed loneliness. And dear, I don't hurry love. Because sometimes, you don't always have to take chances when you know that in the end, you'd still get hurt. 

Girls, find a guy who would take care of you and who would let you feel that you are worth it. (-:

now, earphone's up and listen to this. HAHA

Dear Reader,


I woke up this morning to a good feeling knowing that someone texted me this past midnight. He's actually an old friend. Someone who left me hanging. His text brought me back to the messages he used to tell me, to the text messages he sent to reassure my paranoia, to his laughs i'd hear on the phone that made everything sound better. But at this point, he was full of snobbing. Millions of thoughts swarmed through my brain this morning. It just sucks that he've already gone back to how things were before. As if we'd ever met.




Love,
Clarice

CITY OF SLEEPING HEARTS

They say, being in love is one of the best feelings that a person could ever have. You keep on searching for the beat because you feel like you've found the one who could connect with your interests and personality. From my perspective, being in love is just terrible. (I'm not being bitter here, but okay, I have to admit it... yes, I am really bitter about this matter.) 

This is just me standing up against romance.

Past few weeks, I've been listening to Urbandub's song entitled City of Sleeping Hearts. I must say, I can totally relate to this song. Here's some of my favorite lines from the song.... 

                                     "The air is still at 3

                                       The streets are asleep for now

                                         The world it folds it's arms

                                                 It embraces me.

                                         And hides me from all harm.

                                         

                                         A smoked filled air tonight

                                                    For all of us

                                               I weep for our loss.

                                             I wander these streets

                                               The corners i turn

                                     Solace in shadows and road lights

                                       That burn comfort in thoughts"

I linked my life to this song because I'm not into an intense feeling of deep affection they called love. (not just now) My thoughts and views about love is like a city of sleeping hearts. I'd rather choose to feel nothing than to expect from something that will eventually leave you hanging. Sometimes, I like living in my own world, disconnected and out of key. I feel comfortable whenever I go to some chill places alone, to have a good drink and write on my journal. 

And oh, you might want to check the music itself :)

Someday, someday...... (hopefully) (who cares anyway)

P.S. 

It's scary that I don't feel anything....

EASY COME EASY GO

Adversities just keep coming back to my life lately. This is happening because God is probably testing my faith. By now, I really don't know why can't I feel this strength from within. I know this sounds cliche, but people still come and go. You'll be meeting new crowds in the future & what you have now are not permanent. They / it can leave anytime. And it's happening already. I'm used to people leaving. I just don't like it when they walk out of your life but still stick around.  I'm still trying to figure why things should be like this but everything has its own reasons right? Sometimes, it's better to just keep your feelings to yourself. That way, no one else is gonna be affected. I can also help myself to live independently. Still........ i'm waiting for my turning point in life. Haha! 

MISREAD GUY MOVES

Crushes always seem to do the most kilig vibes! He will do anything for you to notice them, -those romantic things that will leave you the "kilig to the bones" feeling. That guy will give you sweet nothings through text, he will visit you during breaktime at school, he will ask you out on dates, he calls you sometimes for no reason. And he will do all of them because he definitely likes you.

Unfortunately, that isn't always the case. Guys have their own reasons and intentions for doing things, and sometimes you and your cutie aren't meant for each other. 

But hey! A story always consists two sides... here's how I'll tell you which one he's on.

                                                        HE LIKES YOU                                                                    

1. He remembers special date. He waits up until midnight to text you a happy birthday!                                                                                                 

2. He's a man of his own words. He sticks to his plans and everything.                                             

3. When he listens to you talk. He’s all ears about your problem.                                                

4. He wants to see you.... a lot! Either inside the school campus or inside a coffee shop. It makes his      day complete.                        

                                         

                                            HE LIKES YOU NOT

1. He greets you the next day, and he makes excuses.

2. He torments you by saying one thing and doing something else.

3. He's constantly checking his cellphone for messages.

4. He's ONLY confident when he texts you. (dude, not good!)

SHARING THE MAGIC OF STORIES

I could still recall when I was six years old, I really love having my storytelling time with mom and dad. It was magical. They would let me pick a book then read it for me. And with every book that I choose, they're not the typical book that only plain small letters are written (like a pocket book). DUH, i'm a kid. I prefer colorful pictures with words. But it was never just a book with pictures and words. It contains lessons about life that I was able to apply as I grow up. It was about stepping inside the pages of the book and visualize myself inside the universe of that story. Those were the days when I thought that fairy tales were true to life. I must confess.... I once wished to be one of the Disney Princesses. Haha! 

Sadly, my belief about magical stories and tales was lost as I grew up. I realized that my life couldn't go on with the help of magic wands and pixie dusts. I have to face that my life was in reality, not in fantasy. I never liked reading stories when I realized that magical stories were just fantasies. 

My perspectives about magic stories changed until I entered my freshmen life, "Literature" was introduce to us by our english teacher. We were all required to read some epics, and it got me back to reading again. 

I got back my passion in reading stories.

Now that we have a new baby angel (my one-year old brother) in our house, I always try to find a way for our "storytelling time". I want to expand his imaginations seeing hisself inside the universe of every magical stories. 

Just like Eden Phillpots said, "The universe is full of magical things, patiently waiting for our wits to grow sharper."

LIFE BEING STARTED FROM A SIN

It's very obvious that I'm a new blogger here, and the reason why I decided to use this topic  is because you might wonder why I use "THIS LIFE OF SIN" as the title for my blog... Well, that's because I believe that my life came from a sin. We were born to make mistakes, and we should learn from it. My past mistakes have helped me shaped into the person I am today. 

""Original Sin" refers to the belief that the first man and woman, Adam and Eve, had a choice: whether to obey God or not. Although God had given them every good gift, they chose to disobey God, thinking they could be like him and independent of him."

 Just like Adam & Eve, I was once a mess. A complete mess for being a rebel daughter against my parents. I have done so many decisions and choices that changed my life. But whatever happened from those days, I never feel sorrow or remorse for. In fact, I’m thankful because God has His own reasons why He’d involved me in that situation.

"Our pride still gets us all into trouble, every day. We are all sinners. We all think that we can make our own rules for our lives." 

"But God has always had a clever plan to get around this problem. He would come to earth Himself, and as infinite God would suffer to atone for our sins, which as true man He would be able to do on our behalf. "

 One morning, I realized I'm in the wrong crowd and I should open my eyes from all the mistakes I've done. From that day on, I started to change myself to become a better individual. I learned how to handle tough situations with a little maturity. I learned how to deal with different people; different perspectives, experiences, and world views. But every experience taught me something about my life, I have learned about who  I am. So yeah, I'm really thankful & happy living the life I have. (-: